When Can I See Her?
by unnamedconspirator
Summary: A fix-it for the heartbreaking scene in 12x09, where Zola is scared to see her mother. Zola tries again. One-Shot.


**A/N:** This has been in my head forever.

"When can I see mommy?" I asked Uncle Alex as I sat at the table with my cereal.

Alex stirred his cereal slowly, "It's gonna be a while, Zo."

"Why?" I wanted to see her. It had been forever. How come I couldn't see her?

He put his spoon down, "C'mere, Zola. You too, Bailey." He pushed out from the kitchen table. I walked slowly over to him, looking down at my feet. He picked up my little brother and put him on his knee, and took my hand. "Remember what we talked about?"

"Yeah..." I nodded. Mom had been hurt at work. Real bad. And the doctors fixed her, but she needed to heal, and her leg was broke, and her arm too, so she couldn't get around. And her jaw was brokened, so she couldn't talk. But... I still wanted to see her. It had been a few days. I missed her.

Alex pulled me close to him and kissed my head. "I know you miss her a lot. Hell, I miss her. But she's okay. She'll be okay. She misses you too. But right now, the medicine they give her makes her sleep a lot. The doctors think it's best if she takes time to rest, so she can get better faster."

I knew that...

But I missed her.

xxx

"When can we see mommy?" I asked later, much later, as Auntie Maggie tucked me into bed.

"I don't know," she said. "Soon."

Soon. When was soon? Was it tomorrow? The day after tomorrow? Seven days after tomorrow? Seven days was a week. A week was a really loong time. "Can you read the letter again?"

She smiled, "Sure."

I watched as she walked over to the nightstand and opened my little heart box where I liked to keep important and nice things. While mommy was in the hospital, she wrote us a letter. Her writing looked different then usual. Auntie Maggie said it was because she was really tired from the medicine. The letter was an important thing and I didn't want to lose it.

Auntie Maggie unfolded the letter and lay down beside me on the bed. I snuggled up under her arm.

"Dear Zola, Bailey, and Ellis. I'm sorry I can't be with you right now. I have to stay in the ICU until I get better. That means I won't be able to see you for a while. I still love you all very very much! You are probably worried and wonder if I'm okay. I am. I will be. I am very sore and tired a lot and I need this time to get better. But as soon as I'm out of the woods, Alex will bring you to see me, okay? I miss you a lot. I think about you guys all the time. I don't want you to worry about me though. Be good for Maggie and Alex. Go to school. Draw me some pictures about your day.

I love you, and I'm not leaving you. I'm just sick and I need to stay at the hospital until the Chief says I can go home, and when I get home, the first thing I'm going to do is give you a big hug, and lots of kisses, and then we can read Goodnight Moon together.

XOXOXO, Mom." Maggie finished, kissing me in my hair.

xxx

"Can we see mommy today?"

"Sorry kid, not today."

xxx

"I wanna see mommy..."

"I know sweetie, not today though."

xxx

"When can we see mommy?"

Auntie Maggie smiled, "How about tomorrow?"

xxx

I squeezed uncle Alex's hand as we rode the elevator up. Beside me, Bailey played with the craft he made this morning in daycare.

"Hey," Alex leaned down, still holding baby Ellis, "It's gonna be fine. Tell her what you did in school yesterday, remember? She'll love that."

I nodded. Yesterday I brought my Anatomy Jane doll to school for show and tell. It was the coolest thing. I got to tell them all about the different organs in the body. Everyone wanted to see it.

But I missed my mom. I wanted to tell her all about my time at school. I wanted her to be proud of me.

As we got closer and closer to her room, I felt strange. My tummy ached a little, and when I put my hand over my heart it was beating really fast.

Finally we stopped in front of the room. The door was closed. I read the number beside the door. 2-1-0-2-B.

I stared into the window, hoping to see her, but the blinds were closed.

Just then, Arizona waved through the blinds.

"C'mon," Alex said, smiling. "Let's go see mommy." Before I knew it, he swung the door open and pulled me in. My heart flooded with excitement, I grinned with anticipation. "Hey, hey, hey, look who's here to see you!" Alex called out.

Seated in a big chair, mom reached out for me, her lips spread into a wide smile.

"She's so excited to see you!" Arizona said, taking Ellis from Uncle Alex.

But something was _wrong._ What was wrong with her mouth? Why was there metal on her teeth? Why was there a blanket over her legs?

I stopped.

"Come on in, go ahead. Tell her what we talked about, okay?" Alex pulled me forward, but I refused to move any closer. "I don't want to," I said. Something was _wrong._

"Oh come on, Zola. You ask me every day, when can we go see mommy? She's right over there, go give her a big hug."

He didn't understand. Something was _wrong._ That wasn't my mom there. "No!" I said. "No, no, no!" What happened to her? What was wrong?

"Zo-zo," She said, using my baby name, "Come see mommy, come on." Her voice sounded strange, like she was talking through a pillow. Why didn't her mouth move? "Come on, honey, please?" she pleaded as Arizona put Ellis in her arms. But mom's attention was squarely on me, and I didn't like it.

I was afraid. Because mom was different. Even Baby Ellis knew it, because she fussed and cried in mom's arms.

"Zola, come on," Uncle Alex said, drawing my gaze from my mother. "Let's go talk to her."

But I didn't want to. I pulled back on his hand. I wanted to go. I had to go. My tummy felt funny.

"You know what?" Arizona glanced at me. "You know... let's do this later," she picked up Ellis.

"No..." my mom said.

"No, it's not..." Arizona sighed, "It's not okay."

"No, no."

I stared back at my mom for a second. She looked... I don't know... sad?

"Come on, come on, let's go find something yummy in the cafeteria okay?"

xxx

"Are you going to eat that?" Uncle Alex asked as I played with my Jello. "Cause if you don't eat it, I will."

I scooped up the green jiggly blob and let it fall back into the bowl. "I don't like the green Jello," I said.

"Well why didn't you take the red one then? There was a bunch of them on the shelf."

I shrugged. I wasn't hungry.

"What?" Alex asked.

"Nothing," I pushed the Jello over to him.

He took a bite. "You can ask me. About your mom."

I sighed. Since we left her room, I felt... bad. But I didn't know why. "She's got metal on her teeth. And her gums were really really red."

Alex nodded. Beside him, Arizona looked up from her own bowl of Jello she was feeding Ellis.

"And she had a red mark on her neck, like this..." I drew an imaginary line across my own neck. And she sounded funny and she acted strange. But I didn't say that. "What's wrong with her?"

Alex sighed and pushed the green Jello away. Even he didn't like green Jello.

"Alex?" Arizona asked, scooping some Jello from her dish for Ellis. She was smart. She picked red.

"I'm thinking, okay?"

I clasped my hands between my knees. Bailey was watching me curiously as he ate his muffin. Even he knew something was wrong. But I didn't know how I should feel about that.

"You know what braces are, right?" He asked.

I nodded. Braces were those metal things people put on their teeth to keep them straight. I knew this because Tyler's big brother Travis in fifth grade had braces. "Mom has braces?" I asked. If she did, they were strange braces. Maybe they were braces for adults, and why would she need braces?

"Kind of," Alex said. "Look, sometimes when you break a bone, they have to set it straight, so it heals right. When your mom got hurt, her jaw was broken, so they had to set it and hold it in place with wires."

I nodded, I heard stories like this sometimes when I went to visit Sofia at Auntie Callie's house. "So they put metal in it?" I asked.

He nodded, "They had to use special wires in her mouth to keep it closed."

I kicked my feet under the table as I thought about this. In my imagination, I saw a big drill, and big metal wires. I shuddered. "Does it hurt, the wires?"

For a second, Alex looked away, scared and sad. Then he blinked and looked back at me. "It hurt at first. But they gave her medicine so she wouldn't feel any pain."

But in my head, I saw that look on her face when I pulled away at the door. _No, Zola!_ "I think I hurt her feelings," I said.

Alex sighed and leaned forward, folding his arms in front of him and resting his chin on top. "Oh yeah? What makes you think that?"

I shrugged. I felt _bad._ "She looked sad, I guess."

"Hm," He said. "She really wanted to see you."

"She did?"

"Yeah!" he chuckled. "It's a good thing she can't talk, otherwise I'm sure she wouldn't be able to shut up about it."

I played with my fingers and shifted in my seat. I missed her. I missed my mom. I missed reading Goodnight Moon.

"I have to go to the bathroom."

xxx

I hopped into the elevator and pressed the number '2' button.

"Gonna see your mom, huh?" I heard behind me. Auntie Callie was in the elevator too. "Oh, that's so great that you can see her now. She missed you sooo much Zola," She looked around, "Where's everyone else?"

"In the cafeteria." I said.

"Oh." she nodded.

"I missed her a lot too."

"Hey," Callie pulled me into a hug, "It's okay. Your mom... she's going to be fine. I know right now its hard because she can't really talk and it's weird and scary seeing her in the hospital... but your mom..." she shook her head. "She loves you so much, and she's really glad you're here." Callie flashed a big white smile down at me.

But I shook my head. Mom wasn't glad to see me. I hurt her feelings. And suddenly the bad feelings I had in my tummy made my heart ache. My lips twitched into a frown, my eyes watered. I hiccuped up a sob.

"Zola?" Callie asked.

"Ohhh," I whimpered. "Mmm-"

"Hey... what's wrong?" Callie asked, shuffling me out of the elevator at the second floor. "Zo?"

My eyes were full of tears. I huffed, "I... she... I didn't see her! I was too scared!" I confessed, "I think I made her really sad."

"Oh," Callie frowned as she crouched down to my level. "Oh Zola..." Her strong arms wrapped around me and I cried into her shoulder.

"I didn't mean to. Shehadwiresinhermouthandshetalkedfunnyand-"

"Shh, shh," Callie soothed, rubbing my back. "It's okay, its okay..."

"Do you think she'll be mad at me?" I asked.

Callie pushed me back so she could look into my eyes. "No, absolutely not. She loves you too much. She misses you too much."

"Good," I nodded, facing the direction her room was in. "Cause I'm gonna go see her now."

"Do you want me to come with you?" she asked.

I thought about it for a second, then shook my head. "I'll be okay."

"Okay." Callie nodded. "You can do it. You've always lit up her world, you know? And she really needs you."

I nodded. I knew that, but I think I forgot. I'd always asked when can I see mommy? But now I wondered how many times mom had asked to see me. Did she dream about me, like I did about her?

I walked slowly up to her room. The door was open. When I looked in, I didn't see her in the big chair where I'd left her. She was in the bed, looking out the window. A big pillow propped up her broken arm, and another one her broken leg.

The casts were so big.

She didn't see me, her face was turned to the window. She probably didn't expect that I'd come back. And she was crying. You'd hardly know to look at her, but she was. Her shoulders shook lightly, and she sniffed.

I didn't hover anymore. I strode through the door and around her bed. "Shh, mommy, don't cry." I said, clutching the rail.

"Whaa... Zo?" Mom said in a rough voice.

"How come your mouth isn't closed anymore?" I asked gently, touching her lips with my fingers.

She shook her head, as if to say, _Why are you asking so many questions? You know I can't talk._ "Ungh," she shifted on the bed and patted the side before pulling the rail down. I crawled up beside her under her good arm and rested against her chest.

"Did the wires hurt?" I asked.

"Nuh," she shook her head.

"I'm sorry," I breathed into her. "I was scared," I admitted honestly.

"S'okay."

"I hurt your feelings."

"S'okay seetie," she said.

"You talk funny."

She giggled and pulled me closer.

"Mom, guess what?"

"Wha?"

"I brought anatomy Jane to school for show and tell."

"You id?"

"Yeah, everyone thought she was so cool! I told'em all about the organs like you showed me. The liver, the large intestines, the small intestines, the kidneys... everything."

"Yah?"

"Yeah, everyone loves me now."

"Oh, reawy?"

xxx

I blinked. At some point I'd fallen asleep. I rubbed my eyes. Mom was still awake. And now Bailey and Ellis were in the room too. Ellis on Alex's lap, and Bailey at the foot of the bed.

"Hey," she whispered. "O'en da rawr."

"What?" I asked.

She sighed and looked at Alex.

"What? I don't speak broken Mere." He smirked.

"Da raw-er" she pointed to the dresser.

Alex shrugged, but I knew what she meant now.

The drawer. I opened it.

"Goodnight Moon!" I exclaimed.

"Yeah," she laughed. "Ree."

"You want me to read it?"

"Yah."

"Kay," I said and picked up the book before snuggling against her once again. She smelled like hospital, but she was still my mom. I set the book on her lap and began to read as best as I could. "In. The. Great green room... There was. A tel-a-phone, and a. Red balloon..."


End file.
